A lot of people assume things when they hear you’ve had weight loss surgery. They assume you’ve taken the easy way out. They assume all of your weight loss issues magically disappear. Well guess what? The weight issues don’t magically disappear. It takes work. Lots of work. It’s a mental, physical and emotional journey that I don’t think will ever really end. As a person that spent most of her life being obese and morbidly obese I still have struggles. Some days my struggles are mental, as in I wake up being thinking I am fat Rachelle that still looks and feels terrible. Sometimes I wake up and I am consumed by the thought of what I can and cannot eat, which is another pattern of the old Rachelle. And then there are days when everything in the world is right and I am just me. I’m not fat or skinny, I’m not thinking about food or what to eat and everything is just calm and peaceful.
However everyday I do have to work at being the best possible me. Weather it’s a mini pep talk of you’ve got this or making sure I have my meal plan in place so I don’t have to worry about calories, protein, fat and carbs that day. I have to actively work at my health, my surgery was not a cure all but rather a tool that I am grateful to have. I have to remind myself not to look back at how life use to be but to keep moving forward.
Everyone thinks that once you have weight loss surgery everything will be rosy and life will go back to normal after 6 weeks of recovery. I’m not 6 weeks post op yet but I can tell you that I don’t think this will be the case for me. I think that even if i am confident in my choice to have weight loss surgery there are tons of things going thru my head at any given moment of the day.
When you do your orientation they tell you that it takes 6 weeks for you to heal. Although I think this might be the case for the physical body to heal I don’t think it’s true off your mental health. No I am not depressed or anything but I do have a lot of fears. I fear that the surgery will be unsuccessful and I will be obese all my life. I fear that I am eating the wrong foods. I fear I am not eating enough or that I have eaten too much. I fear I will get an infection. I fear that I will disappoint my surgeon, dietician and medical teams that have gotten me ready for surgery. I fear that I will stretch my pouch out. I fear that I will always experience pain when I eat. So although my body is healing I think my mind will need some time to stop fearing everything I’ve mentioned.
I also think that just because I had surgery once I am healed it isn’t a free pass to eat whatever I want. I think it will always be something I need to work at. What I am putting into my body and how I am burning off my calories as well.
Right now I am averaging about 200-600 calories a day. And the scale is not budging anymore. I know it’s normal to have a stall especially since I am eating so low calorie but when I get on the scale and see that I am the same or that I have gained my mind starts freaking out. So for now I won’t be using the scale, I will measure myself once a month and do my weight in when I have my appointments.
I’m sure this rollercoaster is far from being stopped so I will hang on and enjoy the ride.