Anyone that knows me knows I have a love of reading. So this month I decided to participate in not 1 but 2 online book studies. One of the books is a lighter read and I’m honestly having trouble staying focused. But the second book, well it is not only keeping my attention but also making me think really hard.
You see the book I’m reading is about our mindset not only our mindset but our mindset as bariatric patients and how it affects pretty much everything in our life. As if that isn’t enough the author wants you to think about your past, present and future. She wants you to dig deep and figure out who are now. Who you were when you started gaining weight. She wants you to relive some moments that most of us probably want to put in a box lock it up and throw away the key. She wants us to speak to the little girl that was teased for being fat. How that little girl felt and how it translated into the rest of the years leading up to the present. But the most touching thing she has said so far is to write a thank you note to the past you thanking them for being there for you, for getting you through the hard times and the good and telling her she did everything she could have.
You see this part has definitely hit a chord with me. Because as much as we look back and think about being teased and harassed over our weight, nothing comes even close to the thoughts that the past me was telling me. There was no one meaner to me then myself. Sure little Johnny could call me whatever name he wanted to on that particular day but what little Johnny doesn’t know is that anything he could tell me I was already thinking and then some. So my assignment is to write “my story” and I have tried to start writing my story quite a few times in the past week. But honestly it’s going to take some time. So in the mean time I will keep reading my book, watching my live facebook videos in the book study group and hope that one day the words can just flow freely and I can thank that little girl that was me.